Staying Connected & Enjoying Life

When you start becoming concerned about an older parent, something interesting can happen.

Your conversations begin to change.

“Did you get your prescription?”

“Did you make that appointment?”

“Have you been eating?”

“Did you get someone to look at that faucet?”

“Are you sure you're okay?”

They're important questions, and they come from a place of love. But imagine being on the receiving end of them.

After a while, Mom or Dad may begin to feel as though every phone call is a checkup and every visit comes with an inspection.

That's what Staying Connected & Enjoying Life is about.

Your parents aren't just people you care for.

They're still the same people you've laughed with, celebrated with, argued with, traveled with, eaten holiday dinners with, and shared thousands of ordinary moments with over the years. And those parts of the relationship still matter.

Sometimes the best phone call you can make has absolutely nothing to do with whether Mom remembered her appointment.

Call because you heard a funny story. Ask Dad what he thinks about something. Send Mom a picture of what the grandchildren are doing. Tell them something that happened during your day. Ask about a story from when you were growing up.

Or simply say: “I was thinking about you.”

There is another side to staying connected, too. Older adults sometimes hesitate to call their children because they know how busy their lives are.

They may think: “I don't want to bother them.”

Meanwhile, the adult child may be thinking: “Mom knows she can call me anytime.”

Both people care deeply about each other. And yet neither one picks up the phone. Sometimes a little intention can make all the difference.

Maybe you create a regular Sunday evening phone call. Have breakfast together once a month. Send pictures back and forth. Start a family group message. Watch the same television show and call afterward. Find some little way to stay part of each other's everyday lives.

And don't forget to have some fun together.

Take Dad out for breakfast. Ask Mom if she'd like to go for a drive. Attend a ball game. Visit a place you haven't been in years. Go see the Christmas lights. Stop for ice cream. Take the grandchildren along and let everyone make some new memories. It doesn't have to be elaborate.

Sometimes just having something on the calendar to look forward to can make an ordinary week feel different.

And your parents' connections shouldn't depend entirely on you. There may be old friends they'd enjoy seeing again, neighbors they'd like to know better, community activities they might enjoy, former coworkers they haven't talked to in years, or completely new people they haven't met yet.

You don't have to organize their social life. But you can help open a few doors.

“Would you like me to see when that starts?”

“Should we invite Mary along?”

“I saw something I thought you might enjoy.”

Then see what catches their interest.

As you explore this section, we'll look at simple ways to stay closer, enjoy more time together, help your parents maintain the relationships that matter to them, and perhaps introduce a few new possibilities along the way.

Because helping an older parent isn't only about making sure everything is okay.

Sometimes it's about making sure there's still plenty of life happening between all those things we're trying so hard to take care of.

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Calling Just Because
Not every phone call needs to begin with, “How are you doing?” or “Did you remember to…?”

Call to tell Dad something funny that happened. Ask Mom what she thinks about something. Share a picture, a story, or a little piece of your day. Sometimes the most meaningful conversations happen when nobody is checking on anything.

Creating Little Traditions Together
Staying close is often easier when connection becomes a natural part of life rather than something everyone has to remember to arrange.

Maybe it's Sunday evening phone calls, breakfast on the first Saturday of the month, watching the same ball game, baking something together before Christmas, or an occasional afternoon drive. Little traditions give everyone another reason to stay connected.

Making Time for Fun, Not Just Helping
If most visits involve fixing something, running errands, discussing concerns, or taking care of chores, it's easy to forget simply to enjoy being together.

Go for lunch. Take a drive. Play cards. Visit somewhere interesting. Sit outside with a cup of coffee. Make room for moments when you're not helping your parent with anything—you're simply spending time with them.

Helping Them Stay Close to Family
Grandchildren, great-grandchildren, siblings, nieces, nephews, and other relatives may have busy lives or live far away, but there are still plenty of ways to remain part of each other's lives.

Explore simple ways to share photographs, stories, phone calls, video chats, family news, celebrations, and everyday moments so Mom or Dad continues to feel connected to the people they love.

Encouraging Friendships Without Organizing Their Life
Your parent's social life doesn't have to depend entirely on family.

Maybe there's an old friend they haven't called in a while, a neighbor they'd enjoy knowing better, or someone they'd like to invite for coffee. You can help open the door without becoming the person who plans everything for them.

Putting Something Enjoyable on the Calendar
Sometimes having something to look forward to can make the days leading up to it more enjoyable, too.

It doesn't have to be a vacation or a major event. Breakfast next Saturday, a grandchild's ball game, a community supper, a fall drive, or ice cream on Sunday afternoon can be enough to put a little anticipation into an ordinary week.

Introducing Possibilities and Watching for the Spark
You don't have to figure out the perfect activity for Mom or Dad. Just keep putting interesting possibilities in front of them.

“I saw something that made me think of you.” “Have you ever been there?” “You might find this interesting.” Then pay attention. If they ask another question, tell a story, laugh, or lean forward a little, you may have found something worth exploring.

Remembering to Enjoy Your Parent
It's easy to become so focused on helping your parent that you forget to simply enjoy the person you've always known.

Ask Dad to tell that old story again. Get Mom laughing. Look through photographs. Ask questions you've never thought to ask. Make some new memories while you're remembering the old ones. Someday, those ordinary moments together may turn out to be some of the ones you treasure most.